How to gain more confidence

Confidence is one of the most sought after personal traits. Confident people are those we usually look up to. They are leaders and trendsetters. But how do we become one of them? And what is the secret behind their confidence?

Glad you asked. This is what we are going to discuss in this article. And by the end of it, hopefully you will realize, that confidence is a state of mind and not a personal trait that we are born with.

Where does confidence come from?

It comes from your mind. It’s a product of your thinking and your values. The empowering idea about confidence is that it can be systematically worked towards.

From where I see it, there are two ways how to gain confidence:

  1. Confidence comes from competence and competence comes from repeating something over and over again.
  2. Confidence comes from your values as a person

The difference between these two ideas is that it depends what type of confidence are we talking about. Are we talking about being a confident professional in a certain area or are we talking about self-worth and self-esteem? Completely different spheres.

When you say that you want be more confident, first identify where does this desire come from. And when you know an answer to that, you can approach it with more clarity.

How can I become more confident?

Let’s first assume you want to become more confident as a person in general. Try to identify why aren’t you confident now. Or think about situations where you aren’t confident? Try to get as many details as possible. What exactly happens, what kind of emotions come up, are there other people around, do they say anything particular?

All those details will help you identify triggers when your insecurities come to the surface. And when you understand what your insecurities are, then you can adress them. First ask these 3 questions:

  1. Is this absolutely true?
  2. Is it not true?
  3. Am I imagining it? Is it just in my head?

And be completely honest . If your perception grew completely and solely in your head and do you have any proof that what you think is true? Or are there some proofs or comfirmations that would suggest otherwise? Reframe your story.

Now that you’ve established that, you can continue with next step.

If you haven’t already, remind yourself what are your highest values in life. You see, when a person is aware and has clarity on their values, they are automatically more confident. Because their values are their subconscious guides in life. Values give us a sense of direction and purpose.

When you know exactly what your values are, you won’t have troubles making decisions and face the world on your own. Let’s say your highest value is kindness. In that case, no matter the situation, you will know that being kind to others is important to you and your behaviour will resonate that. So even if a certain person is going to give you hard time or is going to be unkind to you, your behaviour will reflect who YOU are and what are your values. You will be able to stay in your grounding.

Other people’s opinion is just that, an opinion

Knowing yourself and understanding that everybody has opinions but those aren’t universal truths is the key to become more confident. Accepting yourself and  knowing that even if you are not perfect, or if you don’t know the answers to all the questions, you are a kind person and nothing and noone can take that away from you. Regardless of what they say or do.

Your value can not be measured, therefore it can not be decreased by anything or anyone. And when you come from the place of acceptance and understanding that, your confidence will no longer be a problem.