How to develop emotional competence

How to develop emotional competence

First of all let’s break down what emotional competence is. When we say someone is competent in something, we trust them that they are knowledgable about a certain topic. They have some experience and know how to handle things in that area. We would also turn to them for advice.

Emotional competence is the ability to deal with one’s own emotions and desires in a satisfactory  and appropriate way. It presupposes  that an individual is capable of managing their own emotions in what we could say a healthy way.

Capacity to our feel our emotions

In order to develop emotional competence we need to first be able to feel. It may sound strange to say this, but in present society ability to feel is often times not seen as something desirable.

Especially in the patriarchal societies where absence of emotions is the prevailing ethic. Where being emotional is a sign of weakness, and crying is mocked. We are creating generations after generations of emotionally incompetent humans.

Social media and online dating are not helping either. Creating genuine emotional connection with another human being became a rarity. We have so many references to compare with as well as so much “offer”. That the minute something does not feel good anymore or one encounters a minor unpleasant emotion, we are one swipe away from that next dopamine high.

Ability to express emotions

If we want to be able to develop emotional competence, we need to be able to not just understand what we are feeling, but also to express it.

We need to be able to assert our needs and establish our emotional boundaries. If we do not express and communicate our emotions, it is very unlikely we will be able to satisfy them.

Distinguish between past and future

Understanding our emotional needs is crucial to distinguish what emotional need originates in the past and manifests in the present as a trauma response.

We are ideally seeking to satisfy our emotional needs that serve our present state without inlfuence of the past. If one does not clearly distinguish between past and present, they may react to certain present events in an unreasonable manner. People can develop massive fear of abandonment, being a control freak etc.

Satisfaction of emotional needs

When our emotional needs are not met, it can result in an illness or stress. Putting other people’s needs before ours, is not always a noble thing to do. Especially if this is something that we do on a constant basis.

When people are afraid of rejection or seek approval of others and thus respress their own emotional needs, their body and mind suffer the consequences in the longterm.

How to develop emotional competence

All of the above mentioned criteria are crucial in developing one’s emotional competence and becoming a healthy and emotionally balanced individual.

If you know that you lack one of them, try to pay closer attention and strategically work on the aspect that is missing.

Emotional competence is something that we all need to develop if we want to live a balanced life and not risk our own health. Our mind and body are connected thus not nurturing our emotions, can result in series of physical illnesses.

If you are coming from a family background where your parents did not foster the emotional competence, then you should pay the more attention to this area. Communicate with your partner, your children and your close friends about this. You may as well hire a coach if you think that would help. There are many ways how to practice and foster new behaviours.

Being a multipotentialite and confidence

People who are called multipotentialites are those with a wide array of interests and skills which can be completely unrelated. They also tend to change careers or hobbies on a frequent basis.

This can often affect their confidence as society is prone to specialization and specialists. Multipotentialites are what we call “jacks of all trades” which makes them excellent connectors and creatives. But more often than not, they struggle to convey their worth and potential to future employers.

Multipotentialite and proud

It is only a couple of years since I discovered that I am a multipotentialite. And boy did I feel relieved. Knowing that I belong and that there is nothing wrong with me was one of the most freeing feelings.

But on the second thought, it makes you think why did I need another human tell me I am worthy. That I am enough. It shouldn’t work like that. We should all already be brought up with the notion that we are enough just as we are.

Well we all know, it doesn’t, unfortunately, work like that. But the good news is, times are changing and so is society. Our consciousness is rising as is our understanding of the self and society as a whole. We are much more open to diversity.

Being a multipotentialite is becoming more and more recognized and there are communities forming and holding space for those who are just discovering their precious gift. And with that, confidence to step into our full power is increasing as well.

Recognize your gift and wear it proudly

Being a multipotentialite and a life coach I have the perfect setup to coach other multipotentialites into their power. Empowering them feels to me like I am taking care of one my own. It’s the most natural thing to do.

And the joy of their recognition of their own potential is immense. Both for them as for me. Because for so long, society has been telling us there is something wrong with us. That we started believing it. Even though we could not understand why.

So if you are a multipotentialite or if you are not sure yet, or if you just found out that you might be one…be proud! Step into your power and offer your gifts to the world without a doubt or shame.

A perfect job for you

There is no one-size-fits-all job for you. Because of the fact that each of us is so diverse and has so many different combinations of skills and competencies. However, there are certain types of jobs one can consider.

As a multipotentialite you know there are going to be times of big changes which will come either every couple of months or could be years. And you should not be afraid of those changes. But if you are your own boss, the adaptation might be easier because you decide where you want to take your business.

So if you’re not already an entrepreneur, consider becoming one. It might be scary at first, but so is looking for a new job with that CV of yours which might look like a Disney wishlist to those who don’t understand us.

One area where you can thrive is in some creative roles where you need to think outside the box. Because what else are we than outside of box thinkers? With so many interests that are often not even related, we can see the connection and pull them together.

Being a connector is our natural role. I don’t know if it happened to you, but I know many different groups of people because every topic of my interest has a community around it. And guess who is the link between those communities. You are! So think of it as an asset.

Reframe how you think of yourself

The most important thing for a multipotentialite is to reframe how we think about ourselves. Instead of seeing our multiple interests as a fault, see it as an asset.

Because that is really the essence of your self-image. And once you change your thinking, you will automatically see opportunities everywhere and be open about your ideas. Share with other people what options you see and perhaps you will make them see what you see.

If you turn your diversity into your biggest asset, people are going to see it as well, because your confidence is going to confirm that you are walking the talk and that it can be done. Because after all, you are an expert in being a multipotentialite with lifelong experience.

 

Become a flow personality

Is burnout a mental illness?

is burnout a mental illness

If we want to answer the question “Is burnout a mental illness” we need to first establish an understanding of what mental illness is. Or better what is the definition of mental health.

According to WHO (World Health Organization), mental health is “a state of well-being in which the individual realizes his or her own abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to his or her community

Is burnout a mental illness?

Mental illness refers to a wide range of illnesses and conditions such as depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, eating disorders, and many more.

Mental illnesses have been stigmatized in the past and have only recently started to gain recognition and realization that they deserve. Though we are still far from addressing them equally as other types of illnesses. This is partly because our mind is such a complex thing that we are still discovering and understanding. Science still has many unanswered questions regarding what is going on in our minds and why.

Burnout as such is not a mental illness but more of a symptom. There are many underlying reasons why a person burns out. The majority of times, burnout is preventable. The main problem lies in the fact that society praises productivity and being busy all the time. We feel pressured by our colleagues and peers.

Peace and calm are the new “black”

Burnout is chronic exhaustion, often closely connected with work-related issues. It is a consequence of many, many smaller decisions and actions done during a longer period of time.

The opposite of burnout is inner peace and being a motivated and healthy individual. And it doesn’t take much to become one. It really doesn’t. Because it all comes down to healthy habits.

Our mind produces between 6,00 and 50,000 thoughts per day. The more thoughts that cross your mind, the more active your frontal part of the brain is. And that is also where the key to peace and calm lies.

In order to achieve a more pleasant state of being, we need to consciously decide, we will decrease the activity of our mind. And how to do that?

Glad you asked. In my coaching practice, I use the biohacking platform that is based on a revolutionary concept of the FlowCode®.  With the help of a biohack portal, we intentionally work on achieving the state of flow. This is also our most desired state. The state of high performance but without the negative and harmful side effect of burning out.

What are the signs of burnout?

Psychologists have been studying burnout and its effects of our mental health since the 70′ when a famous psychologist first came up with the term.

We recognize several stages of burnout and the sooner we recognize them and address them, the higher the chance of preventing it.

Is burnout a mental illness question comes in place right here. If a person recognizes that they suffer from symptoms of chronic stress and they don’t do anything about it, what does that say about the person?

Clearly, there are some issues to address. Perhaps we are not clear on our priorities and values. Perhaps we suffer from limiting beliefs and are unable to set boundaries to protect our mental health. Because we do not feel worthy. There can be various reasons. But to conclude, I don’t think burnout is a mental illness and it can be prevented and treated in the earlier stages without heavy consequences.

What are 5 signs of stress

5 signs of stress

Stress is one of the hot topics of the 21st Century.  The truth is that it has been around since the early ages and it’s nothing new in itself. However, the stress we experience today is much different from the primal one.

What causes stress?

Reasons for stress can be very different but what they all have in common is that we get an uncomfortable feeling inside of us. That means no matter what is the external cause or trigger, it all ends up in your head and your thinking. And those thoughts can become distorted with time because you are always on high alert. It’s exhausting.

What really causes this feeling inside us are actually elevated levels of a hormone named cortisol. This hormone helps us to deal with stressful situations and is meant to make us more focused and ready to act on the danger. At least that is how it was meant to work.

The difference between escaping a mammoth and dealing with work-related chronic stress nowadays is that we are experiencing it on a regular basis. And that’s definitely not good. Our bodies are constantly in high alert mode and we never get to have the “down-time” we so desperately need.

What are the 5 signs of stress?

  • Restlessness
  • Irritability
  • Feeling overwhelmed and unmotivated
  • Sleeping problems, either too much or not enough sleep
  • Low energy, rapid heartbeat, chest-pain, regular headaches

How to manage my situation?

There is a scientifically proven method that helps us with managing and reducing stress. And it’s called “calming down your mind” a.k.a. meditation, mindfulness, stillness, you name it.

Our prefrontal cortex, the front part of our brain which is located at our forehead, is where analytical logical thinking is happening. And the frequency of thoughts directly contributes to our stress levels.

We normally produce between 6,000 and 50,000 thoughts per day. (Read this article I wrote) And knowing, that you can actually try to reduce that number intentionally and control your thoughts and your reaction to the thoughts, is very empowering information.

When we are not in the flow state, our mind works like a crazy machine but rarely gives a consistent output. When we reduce our thinking frequency, we are more likely to tap into the state of flow and produce outstanding results with ease and without becoming exhausted.

 


If you feel you might be suffering from chronic stress, do not ignore the signs. Act on it and do something about it. If you don’t know what to do, ask someone for help. For milder forms of chronic stress, you may hire a coach like me, but if you feel you’re way past that first level, you might consider a psychotherapist.

How to gain more confidence

How to be more confident

Confidence is one of the most sought after personal traits. Confident people are those we usually look up to. They are leaders and trendsetters. But how do we become one of them? And what is the secret behind their confidence?

Glad you asked. This is what we are going to discuss in this article. And by the end of it, hopefully you will realize, that confidence is a state of mind and not a personal trait that we are born with.

Where does confidence come from?

It comes from your mind. It’s a product of your thinking and your values. The empowering idea about confidence is that it can be systematically worked towards.

From where I see it, there are two ways how to gain confidence:

  1. Confidence comes from competence and competence comes from repeating something over and over again.
  2. Confidence comes from your values as a person

The difference between these two ideas is that it depends what type of confidence are we talking about. Are we talking about being a confident professional in a certain area or are we talking about self-worth and self-esteem? Completely different spheres.

When you say that you want be more confident, first identify where does this desire come from. And when you know an answer to that, you can approach it with more clarity.

How can I become more confident?

Let’s first assume you want to become more confident as a person in general. Try to identify why aren’t you confident now. Or think about situations where you aren’t confident? Try to get as many details as possible. What exactly happens, what kind of emotions come up, are there other people around, do they say anything particular?

All those details will help you identify triggers when your insecurities come to the surface. And when you understand what your insecurities are, then you can adress them. First ask these 3 questions:

  1. Is this absolutely true?
  2. Is it not true?
  3. Am I imagining it? Is it just in my head?

And be completely honest . If your perception grew completely and solely in your head and do you have any proof that what you think is true? Or are there some proofs or comfirmations that would suggest otherwise? Reframe your story.

Now that you’ve established that, you can continue with next step.

If you haven’t already, remind yourself what are your highest values in life. You see, when a person is aware and has clarity on their values, they are automatically more confident. Because their values are their subconscious guides in life. Values give us a sense of direction and purpose.

When you know exactly what your values are, you won’t have troubles making decisions and face the world on your own. Let’s say your highest value is kindness. In that case, no matter the situation, you will know that being kind to others is important to you and your behaviour will resonate that. So even if a certain person is going to give you hard time or is going to be unkind to you, your behaviour will reflect who YOU are and what are your values. You will be able to stay in your grounding.

Other people’s opinion is just that, an opinion

Knowing yourself and understanding that everybody has opinions but those aren’t universal truths is the key to become more confident. Accepting yourself and  knowing that even if you are not perfect, or if you don’t know the answers to all the questions, you are a kind person and nothing and noone can take that away from you. Regardless of what they say or do.

Your value can not be measured, therefore it can not be decreased by anything or anyone. And when you come from the place of acceptance and understanding that, your confidence will no longer be a problem.

Burnout, prevent it before it’s too late

prevent burnout

One of my greatest missions apart from empowering people to achieve their dreams is to help people recognize and prevent burnout. Why? Because I see the negative effects of it in my daily life and I see how underestimated the symptoms are.

When  I started my coaching practice I immediately knew that one of my signature programs is going to be focused on that.

What is burnout?

The term burnout was actually first established back in 1970’s when a psychologists Herbert Freudenberger described it in one of his studies. Not that before nobody had burnout, they just did not recognize it and treat it. But Freudenberger recognized that it’s an issue among his work colleagues.

His definition is therefore closely connected with professional exhaustion. This is not to say that unemployed people, stay-at-home parents or students can not suffer from it.  But it is mostly seen in connection with work-related stress.

Even though burnout is one of the most commonly present mental health issues in our society, it is still pretty stigmatized. And due to that fact, not treated early enough when it is still rather easy to prevent it.

There are several stages of burnout and the earlier we recognize it and address it, the less time is needed for recovery. Unfortunately, we see so many professionals who wait until their bodies stop cooperating and they need to take a 6-month sabbatical instead of addressing it in the early stages where perhaps 2 or 3 weeks would be sufficient.

Different levels of burnout

Apart from Freudenberger who recognizes 12 stages of burnout, there is another famous psychologist called Christina Maslach who did extensive research and categorization of burnout. Both those categorizations have at least 3 indicators in common:

  • overwhelming exhaustion (emotional and physical)
  • cynicism
  • inefficacy (lack of feeling of accomplishment)

It is not only the presence of any of those symptoms, of course, we all feel similarly from time to time due to various reasons. The important indicator is the frequency of how often a person feels those symptoms. There’s a big difference if one feels like that every second day or if one feels it perhaps 3 times per month.

The 12 levels range from mild to worrisome. If you recognize yourself in more than 3 of them, I advise to seriously consider a therapist or a coach to prevent progression. Too many times I see people close to me ignore them and before you know it, they are not the same people. Raise your standards and put your health before your career.

12 stages of burnout:

  1. The Compulsion to Prove Oneself: demonstrating worth obsessively; tends to hit the best employees, those with enthusiasm who accept responsibility readily.
  2. Working Harder: an inability to switch off.
  3. Neglecting Needs: erratic sleeping, eating disrupted, lack of social interaction.
  4. Displacement of Conflicts: problems are dismissed; we may feel threatened, panicky, and jittery.
  5. Revision of Values: Values are skewed, friends and family dismissed, hobbies seen as irrelevant. Work is the only focus.
  6. Denial of Emerging Problems: intolerance; perceiving collaborators as stupid, lazy, demanding, or undisciplined; social contacts harder; cynicism, aggression; problems are viewed as caused by time pressure and work, not because of life changes.
  7. Withdrawal: social life small or nonexistent, need to feel relief from stress, alcohol/drugs.
  8. Odd Behavioral Changes: changes in behavior obvious; friends and family concerned.
  9. Depersonalization: seeing neither self nor others as valuable, and no longer perceive own needs.
  10. Inner Emptiness: feeling empty inside and to overcome this, look for activity such as overeating, sex, alcohol, or drugs; activities are often exaggerated.
  11. Depression: feeling lost and unsure, exhausted, future feels bleak and dark.
  12. Burnout Syndrome: can include total mental and physical collapse; time for full medical attention.

What actions can I take to prevent it?

Clear boundaries: First of all be honest with yourself and don’t underestimate it. It is very common that in the time of pandemic people are working more than usual because there is no clear distinction when the workday ends and private life starts. You decide. Be bold and brave and let your co-workers know that after 5 or 6 p.m. you’re out no matter what.

No: The most powerful word which should be your number one habit that you need to acquire. Start being realistic about your capacity and say no more often. You can rephrase it if you are uncomfortable and say something like:”Thank you for the opportunity, but this time I need to prioritize other things.”

Breathe: I know this sounds plain and simple, but I mean it. Focusing on your breath, even if just for a couple of minutes during your workday can be very beneficial to control your stress levels and ground yourself.

Lifestyle change: I’m sorry if this doesn’t sound too exciting, but the best way to prevent burning out is to change some habits that brought you to it in the first place which means you need to revise your lifestyle. You might be a high-achiever and a workaholic, but it might be a good time to stop the glorification of busyness. It’s fine to be bored from time to time. In fact it’s needed so that our brain can process things.

Find hobbies: Take on hobbies that have nothing to do with your career. This will take your mind off of your work and put you into a completely different mental space. And remember, hobbies can be just fun. You don’t have to excel at them or achieve anything. Just be playful and enjoy it. That’s all.

Values and beliefs: Check in with your values. If one of your core beliefs and values is success and career, you might want to re-adjust the values (yes, you can do that!) and put health first. Because without health, your career is not going anywhere and you don’t need a doctor to confirm that.

Change your career, job: Believe it or not, burnout rates are higher with people who are not satisfied with their careers or they work in a toxic work environment. They might be mismatched but have been ignoring it. Think about this possibility and evaluate whether this could be one of the contributors to your burnout.

Get professional help: I mentioned before that despite burnout still being stigmatized in many cultures, you need to seek help if you feel you can not handle it alone. The more people speak up about it, the less companies will be able to ignore it and will have to acknowledge it. There are some countries where professional help is offered within the basic health insurance, but still many countries have a long way there. We need to bring change about.

Finally, since you are on this page, reading an article that I wrote, you can reach out and we can talk about it one-on-one and assess at which stage are you and what can be done about it.

 

 

The power of beliefs and why we should challenge them

Power of beliefs Horvat maja

Did you ever challenge your beliefs? Because if you haven’t it might be time to start.

I know it seems a bit counterintuitive to challenge your beliefs, after all it’s what makes us, us right? Well, not exactly.

Our beliefs are nothing but a set of ideas that we’ve inserted in our mind and repated them long enough that our sub-conscious mind took them as universal truths. Which they are far from!

And what I want to adress today is our core beliefs.

When do we form our core beliefs?

When we come to this world, we don’t come here with certain set of beliefs. The only thing that matter then is our survival. And we do not care if our parents are tired and moody, poor or rich, loving or emotionally unavailable…all we care about is that they feed us and nurture us.

We grow and start observing and comprehending the world around us. Then take mental notes of the world around us. Observe how people treat each other, how people treat us and we start responding in the same way. Especially when we are little. Because that’s our world. Our nuclear family. We do not question whether our parents and siblings are right or wrong. They are the authority and their love is one of the most important things for us.

Of course we all know that being an adult, does not mean you have things figured out. I would say quite the opposite. And there are so many adults which transfer their beliefs and patterns to their children without thinking whether those beliefs are beneficial for the healthy development of a child. I mean let’s be honest, being a childless adult is hard, imagine being a parent in addition to that.

How do we form beliefs?

Beliefs are formed based on certain ideas that we repeat and confirm for sufficient period of time that they become part of our subconcious mind. It doesn’t even have to be you who is repeating these ideas, they can come from external world. Such as…family for example.

Now let’s say your parents are living in a narcissistic and co-dependant relationship and this is the pattern you observe throughout your growing-up period. The things your parents say to each other, will start representing love to you. And you will go out into the world with the belief, that love is like that.

Or for example, let’s say your father will constantly repeat to you that you are a difficult child. By the time you are, let’s say 5 years old, this will be so deeply ingrained into your core, that it will become your belief.

And you grow up, go into the world of adults, start forming relationships of your own, start your career, create a family, a business. And your beliefs? They are still the beliefs of that 5  year old child!

Change your beliefs, if they don’t serve you

Read that last sentence again: “They are still beliefs of a 5 year old child!”

And you are a 30, 40, 60-something relatively functional adult. But are you though? Because it seems to me that everything has changed in your life, from your body, voice, friends, place of residence and what not…EXCEPT your core belief! I mean even our computers and other devices need an update from time to time. But your beliefs don’t?

Isn’t this crazy?!

When I recently had this insight on one of my sessions, I was so ecstatic. I mean I regularly work with my clients on their values and beliefs, but looking at them (beliefs) from this point of view changes so much! It gives you so much of a deeper and profound perspective doesn’t it?

Imagine an adult who thinks she/he is not worthy of love. And this is based solely on her/his belief. Her/his surrounding is showing different signs. This person has loving friends and family, is respected and successful at work and yet, she/he is not capable to grasp that it is only her/his belief that is preventing her/him to see that there is love around.

And believe me, there are SO many adults like that. We practically live in a world of adults with beliefs that come from their childhood, no wonder we have so much troubles connecting and having healthy relationships.

So the million dollar question is: Why don’t we adjust our beliefs as we grow?

Because nobody taught us that. That’s why. Because beliefs are something that we don’t challenge. Because beliefs are part of our identity. And ego does not like to have us challenge our identity and consequently our beliefs. Even if they are not serving us well.

I’m not saying it’s easy, but it can be done

After having this insight, I started thinking “Ok, I’ve hit a gold mine here. But how do I find a bridge from understanding to implementing?”

We have all heard that first step to change anything is awareness. What I am interested in now is, what concrete steps do we need to take in order to insert new healthier beliefs that will serve us in being a fully functional, healthy adults.

For some people, just understanding the fact that what they’ve believed so far is actually the same as believing in Santa Claus. (sorry if you just found out now, but truth had to be told) is so relieving that they are ready to move on and build new, healthier beliefs which are aligned to what kind of person they want to be.

For other it may take longer. There can be a lot of resistence built in us, when we decide we want to change. We need to make sure, that we are persitent and clear that change is a must and that it’s going to serve us in the future.

Working with resistance starts by discovering where does it come from. We need to go deeper and ask which part of us is resitant to let go of our old self. Because this process can be perceived as death (of the ego). In order to become the best version of yourself, you need to let go of the old self. And who said that’s a bad thing? Remember, it is us who assign meaning to things.

When you find which part of you is resisting, ask it why? For what purpose is it resisting? Is it fear on the unknown? Is it to protect you? From what?

Often you will actually discover that even the resisting part has always our best interest in mind. So it is extremely important that you connect with the part in you that’s resisting and thank that part for protecting you up until now. You need to aknowledge the effort. Because if that’s your inner child who is resisting, it was just doing best to his/her abilities. And what does a child know? You are an adult now and you have so much more wisdom, knowledge and experiences. Take that burden away from the child and re-assure it that things are going to be just fine if she/he lets go.

Challenge your beliefs just like you challenge fake news

Now this is the fun part. Once you do the deep work, you can focus on daily work. Challenging those core beliefs that are not serving you anymore.

Imagine you are reading an article that is confirming your views and beliefs. Do you go and do additional research if what it’s saying is true? Let’s be honest, most of us don’t. At least not all the time. But because the article is only confirming what we already know, we feel good and even endorse it.

Now think about an article that is either written by an author of the opposite opinion or even fake news. Isn’t it true that many times, you’d go that extra mile to find counterarguments, just so that you can prove that author wrong? Well, isn’t that interesting?

Here’s news for you, you are behaving exactly in the same manner when you are picking up confirmations from the outside world which either confirm or go against your beliefs. And if those beliefs are good, then that’s perfectly fine and no harm in that, but if those beliefs are actually not allowing you to live your full potential, well then we have a problem.

There is this thing called cognitive bias which says that we filter our world based on our beliefs. It’s scientifically proven so I’m not making this up. You literally have blind spots for things that do not support your beliefs. And that’s why you should make extra effort to look for those proactively.

If we go back to the example of feeling of unworthiness, your task now is to look for cues that are going to confirm otherwise. Challenge this belief every single day, until you form a healthy belief of “I deserve to be happy.”, “I deserve to be loved.”, “I am enough.”

If you do this for long enough, I guarantee you that you will become a different person. The person that you want to be. The person who understands the power of thoughts and use it for her/his own advantage and growth.

 

Not sure if you can do this on your own or where to start? Book a call with me and let’s discuss possibilities how can I support you on your way to better version of yourself. 

 

 

 

We are brainwashing ourselves by thinking thoughts

How thinking influences our mind

Do you now how many thoughts cross your mind every day? Based on various scientific researches, the range number of thoughts is apparently somewhere between 6,200 and 50,000. And your thinking is repetitive.

But more important than that number, is the next one. 70% – 80% of those thoughts are negative.

Did that fact struck you when you’ve read it? No? Then read it again. And then imagine the huge consequences that negative thinking can actually have on how you view the world, your mindset, yourself.

In this blog post I will mostly focus on the negative thoughts, for the sake of the message I wish to convey. Please keep that in mind. I sincerely hope, you are thinking more positive thoughts in general.

What thoughts do to us?

Have you ever asked yourself what your thoughts do to you? How they influence who you are? How repeating each thought can become so embeded into you and your identity that at one point these, once random thoughts, become your beliefs. Yes, this is actually how beliefs are created.

A thought which is thought continuously for a longer period of time, becomes our belief. So we literally brainwash ourselves with our thinking. And the scary part is that most of the time, we do not consciously choose which thoughts we are going to think.

Now isn’t that interesting? I bet many of us approach other areas of our lives in a pretty structured and planned way. Let’s say you’re a movie director. Do you just randomly pile up some shots and call it a movie? I bet the shots are organized in a manner that they serve a certain intention that the movie intends to convey.

If you are a writer, do you carefully plan which paragraph goes where and how the whole story fits together? Or do you just randomly write down words and then call it a book?

I think you understand where I’m going with this. So why then are we not filtering our own daily thoughts and let them toxify our mind without any control? If we could crack that code, we’d all be superhumans already!

Upgrade and filter your thoughts by changing your thinking

Here’s a crazy idea. Why don’t you intentionally pick your thoughts and filter what comes inside your mind? How’s that for a game changer!

The great thing is that now, you are aware what are the facts and that you can actually do something about it and influence the future you. By changing your thoughts. Because you deserve better. Because you need to raise your standards.

You wouldn’t let people come into your house and s*** all over would you? So why do you allow yourself and others to do that inside your mind? It’s the same exact thing if not worse. Because repeating thoughts stay with you and turn into beliefs and eventually influence your identity.

And I can just hear the question popping in your head now:”But Maja, I have no idea what that means. How do I change my thoughts?

Glad you asked. There is a magic moment that happens in your mind that can change everything. The moment right after you think that thought. After a thought enters our mind, we usually react emotionally to that thought, which puts us in a certain emotional state. Or we transit into a next thought which might be similar and sometimes even more intense than the previous one. If we are talking about negative thoughts, that is, thoughts which have negative emotions attached to them, that would usually lead the thinker into a sad, depressed or anxious state. We’ve all been there. Some more often than others.

And the difference that makes the difference is exactly in that moment. When the thought arrives. Because then and there YOU can decide whether you will entertain that thought or not. So this is the door to your mind, your subconscious, where you can decide if that guest thought is welcome or not. And if you judge that it is not beneficial for your wellbeing, then you simply decide to stop thinking that thought and refuse it by replacing it with a more empowering thought.

Because thoughts are like soap bubbles. Nothing more, nothing less. They don’t have an agenda. They are just floating around. The thinker is the one who decides what and how that thought will influence him or her. And if you love yourself enough, if you value yourself enough and respect yourself enough, then you will know exactly which thoughts are welcome in your mind and which aren’t.

Activity of the brain

Our brain is an amazing machine. It produces so many thoughts, emotions and memories that it’s simply fascinating. But the brain activity is also fluctuating. Meaning that it is not always the same. And how we measure the activity of the brain is in wave frequencies. The higher the frequency, the more intense the brain activity is. Of course that depends on the cognitive processes going on, complexity of our thoughts, our emotional state and so on.

But as we all know body and mind are connected. So by thinking certain thought, our body would react accordingly. And with having more thoughts, with higher negative emotional intensity, we could end up and we often do, in a state of stress or anxiety. And long term that means also burn-out.

So what we can do to avoid that, is intentionally calming down our brain activity and frequency of the brainwaves. We call this “transient hypofrontality”. It literally just means a temporary slowing down of your brain activity to a certain brainwave frequency. This enables our body and our mind to recharge, to allow our mind to “open” and tackle into our superhuman side of ourselves. This state is also a prerequisite for achieving The Flow.

Listen to this video if you want to know more about transient hypofrontality.

When we calm our mind down, our body is releasing different types of chemicals than when we are in our fight or flight mode. And that has many beneficial factors for us. So the more often you do this, the less stressed and less tired you are going to be in general.

And don’t tell me that taking 3 minutes several times per day is too much of a commitment. Because then, I seriously doubt you have any intention to change for the better. And I would really like to be wrong

Take action by doing nothing

Yes, you’ve read it correctly. In order to achieve a calmer mind and decrease the brainwaves you need to be still. So in your body as in your mind. And you easily achieve this by breathing. And that’s all.

The biohacking portal that I use with all my clients TheFloHub7® contains more than 700 triggers that help you achieve that state. So if you’re not sure you can do it on your own, there are resources out there which can support you. All you have to do is reach out.

(Seriously, reach out for your 10% discount on monthly subscription to the FlowHub7 biohacking portal)

Here is a preview to how those triggers look and sound like:

To recap what we’ve covered in this article:

  1. We have thousands of thoughts in a single day and up to 80% of them are negative thoughts.
  2. Thoughts influence our state of mind, so if you have repeating negative thinking, guess how you feel most of the time an why?
  3. Good news is, that YOU can decide which thoughts you actually want to let inside your mind and which to let go.
  4. By decreasing your brain activity, you decrease the number of thoughts and you tap into your super human potential and you also feel better physically.
  5. There is a simple tool which can support you in that as well as coaching programmes which you can sign-up for on this website.

 

Why does having the right mindset matter?

awe mindset the flow

When we talk about mindset, do we really know what it means? Would you be able to describe it if someone asked? The most common mention we hear is the growth mindset VS. fixed mindset. I am assuming we all have a vague understanding of what those are and what characteristics they have. But are we aware of the power that the right mindset can have on our success?

Ever since I came across the Flow Code® I have been more focused on what state of mind I am in and what kind of mindset I have currently. And the best thing about my awareness is to be able to intentionally set my mindset in a direction I want. I am no longer only reacting to external events, I am the creator of my own reality.

What types of mindsets are there?

In FlowCode® we work with 7 mindsets. Those are:

  1. Gratitude mindset
  2. Playfulness mindset
  3. Awe mindset
  4. Growth mindset
  5. Observer mindset
  6. Transpersonal mindset
  7. Creator mindset

How can I get into a particular mindset?

The great thing about the FlowCode® is that it is created as the link that many other coaching practices are missing. That deep embodiment where you can literally biohack your body and mind.

It is all based on science and created by experts from different fields who worked together to create these tools. Now traditional coaches can expand their influence and help their clients to be even more successful in their pursuit of what ever they are after.

Setting the right mindset is crucial for achieving your goals. And when you focus on for example a growth mindset and practice the intention with triggers on a regular basis, your subconscious will start adopting this new way of thinking and approaching challenges.

It is even scientifically proven that there are numerous benefits if we regularly practice gratitude. And what is gratitude but a mind, set on the frequency of being thankful and grateful for what we have. Gratitude improves your self-esteem, it improves your sleep, physical and mental health and increases feelings of empathy.

Here you can see an example from the FlowHub® portal that I use in my coaching practice, how we hack into those mindsets intentionally:

This trigger is for setting the intention to all 7 mindsets, but we also have videos for a particular one that you want to work on should you choose so.

Why do I need to set my mind to anything?

Our brain is an amazing machine that processes the world around us and creates internal representations of it. What goes on in our conscious mind is only a tip of an iceberg in comparison to what goes on in our subconscious mind.

And the thing is, that our subconscious mind sucks things like a sponge and dictates our behavior. So if we are not careful what we think on our conscious level, we might negatively influence the subconscious. By setting a clear intention to a particular mindset, we increase the chances of our success.

And how the mindset triggers in FlowHub® work is that when you practice them regularly, they will sink in into our subconscious and set your road for success. Remember Pavlov’s dogs? Well, repetition is the mother of skill. So the more you repeat setting your intentions to positive mindsets, the more skillful and prone to success you will be. Science baby! How great is that?

Now that you understand the power of setting intentions for positive mindsets, go on and challenge yourself to do just a short 3 min gratitude meditation for a week and see how you’re going to feel. I dare you!

And if you get really hooked on mindsets, you can grab my promo code for a 10% discount and open a FlowHub® account. 

Flow Influencer Voucher

What is transformational coaching

Horvat Maja Transformational coaching

Personal coaching in general is the process of helping people and teams perform at the peak of their abilities. It involves drawing out people’s strenghts, helping them to overcome limiting beliefs in order to achieve their personal best.

What coaching is not, is a form of therapy. Many times clients believe that coach is going to help them with deep emotional and sometimes even clinically diagnosed conditions. These realms are out of the scope of a personal coach and should be adressed by professional doctors and therapists with official degrees in these areas. Personal coaching is seen as a beneficial addition to other forms of healing but should never be a substitution for it.

Transformational coaching

What I mean, when I say that I am a transformational coach, is that I take you on a journey of a self-exploration and transformation. Because at the end of my coaching programmes I want you to come out a new person, a different person that you where when we first met. I want to help you transform into the best version of yourself. The person that you aspire to be.

Many times people are afraid of change. That’s ok, it’s completely human to be afraid of change. But that should not stop us from changing anyway. And that is the main difference between those who thrive and those who stay in the same place. High achievers are not fearless, they just do things despite the fear of unknown. Because that’s what transformation is, going into the unknown.

Transformational coaching aims at achieving the so called state of flow. If you’ve never heard of this term, read my other article on the topic HERE.

The state of flow is the utlimate version of you. It’s when you are performing at your best. And with transformational coaching I want to give you the tools and teach you to be able to get into that desired state whenever you need to. Transformational coaching is not a single-use solution for a single problem. It’s a longterm transformation of an individual who after the coaching programme is able to successfully implement the tools in any area of their life as these newly acquired skills and abilities are theirs for life.

What exactly can I transform and change?

That is up to you. Almost anything. As the tools and techniques are applicable to a wide range of problems, situations and challenges, there is almost no limits in what transformational coaching can do for you.

You may have a certain belief that is preventing you from achieving something. We call this kind of belief a limiting belief. We all have them. The question is if we are aware of them and how to change them so that they no longer limit us.

Another example of what can be changed is a certain type of behaviour that you do in your life that you know is not good for you, but you just don’t know how to stop doing it. Many times this is closely connected with your values and beliefs. So with coaching we can tap into that behaviour and see where the problem really lies.

Have you ever heard of phobias? Perhaps you even have one? Neurolinguistic programming is very successful in dealing with phobias and fears and overcoming them.

Very common thing that I help my clients do is goal setting. Practically it’s part of every coaching package but if a client is interested goal setting skills can be further discussed and learnt so that they can easily use them in other areas of their life. Just imagine how many times you are setting goals in your professional projects, because you understand that without knowing what you actually want, you can not achieve it. It’s the exact same with your personal life. We need to be clear on what our goals are in order to be able to achieve them. But how many people you know, that are actually setting clear goals in their personal lives? I bet not that many. Well, I think that’s one of the biggest mistakes we are doing.

Hopefuly you have seen and understood better how transformational coaching can change your life for the better. There are many materials online which you can search for and learn from. But if you want to get on that “Success train” fast, the best way is to reach out to a coach and sign up for a ride of your life! Noone has ever regret investing into themselves.